"Just a Dog"

                               We said goodbye to our sweet Poppy almost two weeks ago.

She had been having some weakness in her back legs so we started giving her Glucosamine Chondrointon chews and that seemed to help for a few weeks so we didn't think anything more about it. Then I noticed that she was having some tummy trouble, but I thought the chews might be upsetting her stomach and decreased the amount we were giving her. Again, she seemed better for a few weeks. But then, she stopped wanting to eat. We could coax her, but she would run to the kitchen and wait by the cabinet that held her chews, so we thought she had become a little chew obsessed. It was kind of in Poppy's character to be a little picky with her food, but she was a good eater and it started setting off alarm bells in my head. When your baby is eleven years old, you always assume it's something awful, but I never would have imagined things would happen as they did and so quickly.

We had been planning a huge trip to New York for a belated 20th anniversary trip. My sweet, responsible nephew had agreed to house sit for us, but I knew I just couldn't ignore Poppy's lack of appetite or the persistent tummy issues I had noticed. We were scheduled to go out of town on Thursday, so I scheduled an appointment for Tuesday and mentally prepared myself for the possibility that Poppy might need to stay at the Vet instead of at home during our trip. This was a big deal for me...we've always had a pet sitter for our girls and have never left them in a kennel, figuring they would be much more comfortable at home. The night before the vet, Poppy wouldn't eat, but I put some chicken broth on her food and coaxed a few bites out of her. I started to pet her and she practically started to scream, especially when I touched her anywhere near her ears or mouth. Weird, right? But it actually made me feel better...I thought it must be a bad tooth. That was an easy fix....clean her teeth, get her some antibiotics and she'd be good to go. If only....

Our trip to the Vet went well, but Dr. McCutcheon was worried. Poppy didn't have a bad tooth and had some other symptoms we hadn't really noticed(insert horrible guilt here). She was a little bloated and dehydrated. The doctor thought we should check for parasites and run a urinalysis, as well as blood work to check her liver and kidney levels. The results would come back the next day, which was the day before our scheduled trip. We took Poppy home, after making arrangements to bring her back the next day to be boarded for our trip.

By 2:00 the next day, the blood work hadn't come back and I realized that not only would Poppy not eat, but she wasn't drinking water either. I was really worried, but I knew that leaving her with the vet was the right thing to do. We dropped her off around 6:00 and I went to run errands and finish packing for the trip. When I got home around 7:00, David met me at the door. He said, "It's bad. It's really bad." The Vet had called and explained that Poppy's kidney levels and several other tests came back extremely elevated...like 100 times higher than they should be. She told David that Poppy had chronic kidney disease and it couldn't be reversed. By the sheer grace of God, the Vet had extended office hours and could see us at 9:15 that night to discuss options. It was the longest two hours of crying, calling my best friend, talking to family, and trying to figure out what to do.

At the Vet, we were told that it was amazing that Poppy was still walking and conscious. The Vet said that with the levels she had and the symptoms she was showing, she felt like there was very little we could do. She also explained that anything we did would only buy a very little time, not a cure. Poppy was not eating, drinking, and was not at all herself. If we left her at the Vet to be boarded with I.V. fluids to help the dehydration, the doctor was concerned that Poppy would "crash" within a few days and we wouldn't be with her. We came to the conclusion that going to extraordinary measures would be for us, but not what was best for Poppy---so we chose to hold her, love her, and let her go.

It was awful, yet peaceful. She slipped away quietly and would not have to suffer the agonizing pain of the last days of kidney failure. I had no idea we had that many tears. We said our goodbyes, took her collar, and went home. We made the decision to keep our travel plans, as there was nothing more we could do...nothing would change the outcome.

I know that we made the "right" decision and were good stewards for our baby. We got Poppy at 7 weeks old, during a time when the realization that we would never have our own babies was hitting hard. She WAS our baby for 11 years, then she was gone. As the plane took off for New York, the other passengers must have thought that I was terrified to fly, but the reality of what had just happened hit me hard in the face and I just sobbed. David held me and we shared sweet memories of our precious girl.

I'm having a hard time moving on. During the trip, there were hard moments, but we kind of filed it away in an effort to enjoy a time that we had looked forward to and planned excitedly. I kept having to remind myself that we wouldn't be picking Poppy up from the Vet when we got home. Our house is too quiet. Yes, Daisy and Maggie are still here, but it's not at all the same. Mourning a pet is different from mourning a person. I'm not saying it's harder, but it's the loss of pure, unconditional love. And honestly, despite the sweet words on Facebook and a few texts from good friends, we're going through this alone, which is to be expected. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and his heart for animals. We both miss her terribly. I'm trying so hard to remember the love and happy times with our girl.

Kersh's Miss Penelope Sue...you are always in our hearts!

 

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